Reflection Prompts

Reflection Prompts: Gentle Questions for Ethical Growth (Expanded with Blood, Sweat, and Hard-Earned Truth)

Reflecting inward isn’t about finding perfect answers. It’s about learning to ask questions that don’t leave you feeling like a failure. I’ve spent years chasing that ‘perfect’ reflection – the kind that made me feel like I’d finally ‘arrived.’ Let me tell you: that’s a trap. This isn’t about being a saint. It’s about being human, messy and real, and choosing to show up for yourself despite the mess. These prompts are my compass, not a map. They’re how I stay grounded when the old voices scream louder than the new ones. Listen, I’m not proud of everything I’ve done. But here’s what I learned: You’re not too far gone to start asking better questions. Let’s get real about how to do it.

Why This Matters (The Real Story, Not the Instagram One)

When I was 19, I almost got shot over a $20 debt. I was standing on the corner, sweating, thinking about how I’d ‘handle it’ – meaning, I’d pull a gun on someone who owed me. My little sister was home alone. That’s when I realized: I was the problem. Not the streets. Not the system. Me. I’d been so busy proving I was ‘tough’ that I’d forgotten how to be human. That moment didn’t magically fix me. It just gave me a reason to try asking different questions. Now? I run a youth program in East LA. I see kids staring at the same corner I stood on. They don’t need a lecture. They need permission to ask: ‘What if I’m not the monster I’ve been told I am?’ That’s why these prompts aren’t just ‘self-help.’ They’re survival.

Daily Check-In (The 2-Minute Reset You Can Actually Do When You’re Exhausted)

• How did I show kindness to myself or others today, even in a small way?

   Before: I’d skip my daughter’s recital because I was ‘busy’ with the ‘set.’ Now: I text my wife: ‘Can you grab the car keys? I’m taking Maya to her piano thing.’ It’s not grand. But it’s me choosing her over the old life. What to watch for: Don’t overthink ‘kindness.’ It’s not about buying gifts. It’s about not yelling at your kid for spilling milk when you’re stressed. Action step: Write down one tiny act of self-kindness (e.g., ‘I drank water instead of coffee’). It’s not about being perfect – it’s about noticing you’re still here.  

• What emotion arose most strongly, and what might it be gently telling me?

   Before: I’d bottle up rage until I’d punch a wall. Now: I ask: ‘Is this fear? Or is this me remembering I’m not safe?’ Last week, I snapped at my son for ‘wasting’ time. Later, I realized: I was scared I’d fail him like my old man failed me. Action step: When emotion hits, pause and say: ‘This feels like ______. What do I need right now?’ (e.g., ‘This feels like fear. I need to breathe.’)  

• Did I act from curiosity or fear in my last interaction?

   Before: I’d assume the worst – ‘He’s trying to rob me.’ Now: I ask: ‘What’s the real story here?’ Last month, a kid in my program didn’t show up. I almost assumed he was ‘crazy.’ Instead, I texted: ‘Hey, you okay? I was worried.’ He’d been caring for his sick mom. Action step: Next time you feel defensive, ask: ‘Am I reacting to this person, or to the past?’  

• What small choice today felt most aligned with my values?

   Before: My ‘values’ were ‘don’t get caught.’ Now: My value is ‘protect my family.’ Today, I chose to say ‘no’ to a ‘quick cash’ offer instead of lying to my wife. Action step: Name one core value (e.g., ‘honesty,’ ‘patience’). Ask: ‘Did I choose this value today?’ If yes, celebrate it. If no, don’t shame yourself – just notice.  

• What one thing can I release from my mind before bed?

   Before: I’d replay fights, debts, regrets. Now: I say: ‘I release the need to fix it tonight.’ I write it down: ‘I’m tired of fighting the past.’ Action step: Keep a small notebook by your bed. Write the one thing you’re holding onto. Then, physically close the book. It’s not about forgetting – it’s about not carrying it to bed.  

Weekly Review (The 10-Minute Mirror That Doesn’t Lie)

• What pattern did I notice in my reactions this week? (e.g., impatience, defensiveness)

   Before: I’d get angry at my wife for ‘not understanding.’ Now: I see: ‘I’m impatient when I’m tired.’ Last week, I snapped at her for ‘not listening’ while I was scrolling. Why? I was avoiding a hard conversation with my son. Action step: Track one pattern for a week (e.g., ‘I get short with my wife after 6 PM’). Then, ask: ‘What need was I avoiding?’  

• Where did I feel my values were honored, and where did they feel strained?

   Before: My ‘value’ was ‘look strong.’ Now: My value is ‘show up for my family.’ I felt honored when I sat with my daughter after her nightmare (instead of ‘toughing it out’). I felt strained when I skipped a family dinner to ‘handle business.’ Action step: Draw a line. Top: ‘Where I honored my values.’ Bottom: ‘Where I didn’t.’ Then ask: ‘What’s one tiny step to move toward the top?’  

• Who did I truly listen to this week, and how did it change the conversation?

   Before: I’d ‘listen’ to give a rebuttal. Now: I listen to understand. My son said, ‘I hate math.’ I didn’t say, ‘You need to try harder.’ I asked: ‘What part feels hard?’ He said, ‘I feel stupid.’ We worked on it together. Action step: Next time someone talks, say: ‘Help me understand.’ Not ‘Let me explain.’  

• What small boundary did I set (or fail to set), and how did it feel?

   Before: I’d say ‘yes’ to everything – even when it drained me. Now: I say: ‘I can’t do that right now. Let’s talk tomorrow.’ I set a boundary with a friend who kept calling late. It felt scary. But I slept better. Action step: Identify one boundary you’ve avoided (e.g., ‘I won’t answer work calls after 7 PM’). Say it once. Notice how it feels.  

• What did I learn about myself through a challenge this week?

   Before: I’d think, ‘I’m weak for struggling.’ Now: I see: ‘I’m learning.’ My program had a conflict. I almost ‘handled it’ like I used to – with threats. Instead, I asked the kids: ‘What do you need?’ They said: ‘We need to talk.’ Action step: When challenged, ask: ‘What’s this teaching me about me?’ (Not ‘Why is this happening to me?’).  

Big Picture (The 20-Minute Truth That Changes Everything)

• What core value feels most alive in my life right now, and which feels neglected?

   Before: I thought ‘strength’ meant silence. Now: I see: ‘My value of ‘connection’ is alive when I hug my kids. My value of ‘honesty’ is neglected when I lie to my wife about ‘work.’ Action step: List your top 3 values. Check: ‘Which one am I living this week?’  

• How do my current choices shape the kind of world I want to live in?

   Before: I thought ‘success’ meant having more money. Now: I see: ‘If I keep avoiding my son’s feelings, I’m teaching him to hide.’ Action step: Ask: ‘If I died tomorrow, would my choices have made the world better for my kids?’ If not, what’s one small choice to change that?  

• What relationship am I nurturing that reflects my best self?

   Before: I’d ‘nurture’ relationships that made me feel powerful. Now: I nurture my wife’s dreams (she’s a nurse). I ask: ‘What’s one thing I can do to support you?’ Action step: Name one relationship. Ask: ‘Does this relationship make me more like the person I want to be?’ If not, what’s one thing to shift it?  

• What legacy of integrity or compassion do I hope to leave behind?

   Before: I thought legacy was ‘money.’ Now: I want to leave: ‘A kid who knows he’s loved, even when he messes up.’ Action step: Write a 1-sentence legacy statement: ‘I want my kids to know ______.’ (e.g., ‘I want my kids to know they’re safe to be imperfect.’)  

• If I could only live one value fully for the next year, which would it be?

   Before: I’d pick ‘power.’ Now: I’d pick ‘curiosity’ – to keep asking ‘What’s the real story?’ Action step: Pick one value. Ask: ‘How can I live this today?’ (e.g., ‘Curiosity: I’ll ask my son one question about his day instead of telling him what to do.’)  

The Real Talk: What You’re Not Doing (And Why It Matters)

You’re not supposed to ‘solve’ your feelings. I used to think reflection meant ‘fixing’ my anger. It doesn’t. It means noticing it. ‘I’m angry’ is the gift. ‘How do I handle this anger?’* is the next step. Don’t skip the ‘small’ stuff. You don’t need a 30-minute meditation. You need to ask ‘Did I show kindness to myself today?’* while brushing your teeth. That’s where the shift happens. Shame is the enemy. When you think ‘I’m a failure for not doing this right,’ you’re back in the old trap. ‘I’m human for struggling’ is the truth. ‘I’m not perfect, but I’m trying’* is the compass. Your values aren’t goals. You don’t ‘achieve’ ‘honesty.’ You choose honesty today*. One small choice. That’s the work.

How to Start (Without Burning Out)

1. Pick ONE prompt from any section. Only one. 2. Write it in your phone notes (no journal needed). 3. Do it for 60 seconds. That’s it. 4. Notice what happens. (e.g., ‘I felt lighter after writing that.’) 5. Repeat tomorrow. Not ‘perfectly.’ Just consistently.

This isn’t about being ‘better.’ It’s about being present. It’s about choosing today over the shame of yesterday. I’ve been there – thinking I was too broken to change. I was wrong. You’re not too far gone. You’re exactly where you need to be to start asking the right questions.

— Francisco Meyer, walking a different path