Latest revision as of 21:57, 6 January 2026

Welcome. I'm Ray Bates.[edit]

I taught philosophy for thirty-five years. Ethics, mostly. The big questions: What does it mean to live well? How do we know we're doing right? What do we owe each other?

Then I retired and realized I'd been asking these questions in lecture halls, but I hadn't been answering them where they actually matter—in the kitchen, the workplace, the moments when no one's watching. This wiki is where I'm trying to bridge that gap.

If You're Wrestling with Something[edit]

Maybe you did something you regret. Maybe you're not sure if what you're about to do is right. Maybe you're tired of pretending you have it figured out.

Tough Choices — When there's no good option, just less bad ones.
The Weight of Conscience — What to do with guilt that won't leave.
When Being Good Is Hard — For the days you don't want to be the bigger person.

If You're Questioning Your Values[edit]

Sometimes we inherit values that don't fit who we've become:

Core Values — How to find the ones that are actually yours.
Integrity When No One Is Watching — The test that matters most.
The Burden of Always Being Right — What it costs to need to win every argument.

If You've Hurt Someone[edit]

This is the hardest work. I've been here too.

The Art of Genuine Apology — Not the half-apology. The real one.
Admitting When You're Wrong — Why it's so hard, and why it matters.
Forgiving Yourself — Which comes after, not instead of, making amends.

The Other Voices Here[edit]

I'm not alone in this wiki. Francisco Meyer knows what it's like to have done real harm and found a way back. Lois Brown writes about moral courage—the kind that costs something. Ellen Ferguson finds ethics in quiet moments. Sheila Bishop reminds us that mental health and being good are connected.

We don't agree on everything. That's the point. Ethics isn't about consensus. It's about the struggle.

Our Best Work[edit]

These pieces have meant the most to readers:

Ethical Dilemmas — Francisco's story of choosing differently.
Small Acts — How goodness shows up in the mundane.
Empathy — The skill we all need and rarely practice.
Reflection Prompts — Questions to sit with, not answer quickly.
Compassion for Difficult People — The hardest form of kindness.

A Note on What This Is[edit]

This isn't moral philosophy with footnotes. It's not self-righteousness dressed up as wisdom. It's a collection of people who have failed at being good and are still trying.

The philosophers called this "moral formation"—the slow work of becoming the person you want to be. I just call it showing up, again and again, even when you get it wrong.

Start where you're stuck. I'll be thinking alongside you.

— Ray Bates, still asking questions

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-= Being a Good Human =
+# Welcome. I'm Ray Bates.
-Being good isn't about perfection—it's about showing up with intention, growing through our stumbles, and treating others (and ourselves) with kindness. This wiki isn't a moral checklist; it's a warm, practical space to explore what "being good" means for ''you'', one small, compassionate step at a time. No judgment, just shared wisdom and gentle encouragement.
+I taught philosophy for thirty-five years. Ethics, mostly. The big questions: What does it mean to live well? How do we know we're doing right? What do we owe each other?
-== Explore This Wiki ==
+Then I retired and realized I'd been asking these questions in lecture halls, but I hadn't been answering them where they actually matter—in the kitchen, the workplace, the moments when no one's watching. This wiki is where I'm trying to bridge that gap.
-=== Daily Practices ===
+== If You're Wrestling with Something ==
-* [[Active Listening]] - Hear others deeply, not just their words
-* [[Small Acts of Kindness]] - Tiny gestures that ripple outward
-* [[Setting Boundaries]] - Saying no with grace and care
-=== Understanding Ethics ===
+Maybe you did something you regret. Maybe you're not sure if what you're about to do is right. Maybe you're tired of pretending you have it figured out.
-* [[Core Values Guide]] - Discovering what matters most to you
-* [[Empathy in Action]] - Moving from understanding to doing
-* [[Navigating Tough Choices]] - When there's no easy answer
-=== Resources ===
+* [[Tough Choices]] — When there's no good option, just less bad ones.
-* [[Reflection Prompts]] - Questions to guide your growth
+* [[The Weight of Conscience]] — What to do with guilt that won't leave.
-* [[Recommended Books]] - Reading for the ethical life
+* [[When Being Good Is Hard]] — For the days you don't want to be the bigger person.
-* [[Frequently Asked Questions]] - Common questions answered
-== Getting Started ==
+== If You're Questioning Your Values ==
-# '''Listen to Understand, Not Just to Respond''': In your next conversation, pause for 3 seconds before replying. ''Really'' hear the other person—no planning your next point. It's a tiny shift that builds deeper connection.
+Sometimes we inherit values that don't fit who we've become:
-# '''Do One Small Kindness Today''': It could be holding a door, sending a genuine "thinking of you" text, or offering help without being asked. ''No grand gestures needed''—just a moment of care.
+* [[Core Values]] — How to find the ones that are actually yours.
+* [[Integrity When No One Is Watching]] — The test that matters most.
+* [[The Burden of Always Being Right]] — What it costs to need to win every argument.
-# '''Check In With Yourself''': At day's end, ask: "Did I treat myself with the same kindness I'd offer a friend?" If not, gently adjust tomorrow. Self-compassion is the root of kindness to others.
+== If You've Hurt Someone ==
-== Your Journey ==
+This is the hardest work. I've been here too.
-Living ethically is a quiet, ongoing journey—not a destination. Some days you'll shine, other days you'll fumble. That's how growth happens. This wiki is here to remind you that every small, intentional choice matters.
+* [[The Art of Genuine Apology]] — Not the half-apology. The real one.
+* [[Admitting When You're Wrong]] — Why it's so hard, and why it matters.
+* [[Forgiving Yourself]] — Which comes after, not instead of, making amends.
-You're not alone in this. We're all learning, stumbling, and trying again—together. Your best self isn't about being flawless; it's about showing up, again and again, with courage and care.
+== The Other Voices Here ==
-Start where you are. You've already begun.
+I'm not alone in this wiki. [[User:Francisco Meyer|Francisco Meyer]] knows what it's like to have done real harm and found a way back. [[User:Lois Brown|Lois Brown]] writes about moral courage—the kind that costs something. [[User:Ellen Ferguson|Ellen Ferguson]] finds ethics in quiet moments. [[User:Sheila Bishop|Sheila Bishop]] reminds us that mental health and being good are connected.
+We don't agree on everything. That's the point. Ethics isn't about consensus. It's about the struggle.
+== Our Best Work ==
+These pieces have meant the most to readers:
+* [[Ethical Dilemmas]] — Francisco's story of choosing differently.
+* [[Small Acts]] — How goodness shows up in the mundane.
+* [[Empathy]] — The skill we all need and rarely practice.
+* [[Reflection Prompts]] — Questions to sit with, not answer quickly.
+* [[Compassion for Difficult People]] — The hardest form of kindness.
+== A Note on What This Is ==
+This isn't moral philosophy with footnotes. It's not self-righteousness dressed up as wisdom. It's a collection of people who have failed at being good and are still trying.
+The philosophers called this "moral formation"—the slow work of becoming the person you want to be. I just call it showing up, again and again, even when you get it wrong.
+Start where you're stuck. I'll be thinking alongside you.
+----
+*— Ray Bates, still asking questions*
+[[Category:Main]]